Random Awesome.

A few random things I’d love to own.

First, in the name of Spring:

Lilypad umbrella via Plasticland. SO ADORABLE. I’d feel like Thumbelina.
Umbrellas for the Civil but discontent Man via LikeCool. I just really dig the sword handles. I know a couple uber nerds who’d die for these.

Chandeliers are always a wonderful option. I have no clue where I found the first one (I tend to sit on pictures) and the second one is $400 from Pottery Barn. I’d never pay that much but DAMN its cute.

LOVE this shelf. I’m all about Pulse Lines. Too hot. I’m loving the green edge.

Wax On. Wax Off?

New Jersey’s Board of Cosmetology and Hairstyling is considering a proposal to ban Brazilian bikini waxes.

Crazy right?

Apparently there were TWO women who complained of injuries sustained from wax jobs that put them in the hospital so the board is now making the serious decision. Waxing your crotch has actually always been illegal in the state but the statute wasn’t explicitly spelled. This proposal will make it blatantly clear by outright banning waxing of your genital areas. The board is set to meet, and vote on the ban on Brazilians, on April 14th.

If you live in Jersey you might want to book one before then…might be gone for a long time.

I personally find this a bit ridiculous. Ain’t no one telling me I cant wax if I want to wax. I suppose I’d just drive into NY once every 2 months to get it done. Sounds like the only logical idea to me. Or burn down where the vote will be held. That would work too.

Comics Archetype Times Table.

Just in case you needed to know what a Zombie Platypus looks like. Or a Lincon TRex for that matter.

3-5-09 – 3-9-09

3-5-09

Let me start by answering your questions:
1) Yes, that is a space heater.
2) Yes, its on and yes its HOT.
3) Yes, sugar britches is asleep.
4) She stayed that way for about 30 minutes. Only woke up because I started taking pictures.

I dont know what is wrong with my cat but she’s definitely off, thats for sure…I cant even look at this picture without cracking up.

3-6-09

Saw Friday the 13th for a goof. Let me sum it up quick: Lots of death, lots of boobs, and Jason runs.
Yeah you heard me. That bitch runs now. (Shudder). This is an axe throwing scene. Thank god Jason was an idiot savant at marksmanship.

3-7-09

Emma meet Starbursts. Starbursts meet Emma. I was terrified she’d choke but her mom gave me the OK and that is all I need to absolve myself from any responsibility in shoving big candies down her throat. In my defense I begged her to take a bite but she preferred the whole “I’ll toss the entire thing in my mouth, push it side to side, cough a few times and chew a little then it’ll get stuck to the roof of my mouth and you’ll have to stick your finger in there to pry it off but while you do I’ll bite you!” route. It was cute. <3<3<3

3-8-09

That’s my hot mom. She turned 61 on Sunday. I know right – doesn’t look at day over 50. It’s actually pretty creepy how young she is for how old she actually is. My parents constantly remind me that age is a state of mind and they aren’t ready to be lame old folks yet. They’ve still got shit to do! We got dinner at Bob Evans because again, my family is UBER CLASSY. Afterwards I ran over to Kevin and Chris’ for the end of their grillout. Luckily I was in time to see Jake slowfall against a bush and then lay there long enough for me to get multiple pictures (my favorite of which is this goodie). Chris’ girlfriend Lynn was there and I really like her – I think potentially, should she ever give me a shot, we could be good friends! This is odd because very rarely do I like his girlfriends. They all tend to be not my type of girl but this one…oh she’s definitely one I could get used to!

3-01-09 – 3-04-09

3-1-09

That’s the weather starting to get ugly. Storms a-brewin. I can feel it in my bones. Yay for March!! LOVES IT.

3-2-09

Just another snowy day (7 inches!!!!) and another silly walk to the cemetery to say wassssup to Rick and Dar. Randy and I just like to be outside. I personally have become an infant about going outside when its cold – I cant take it like I used to, it HURTS my skin. When its gorgeous out (and/or snowing) then I’m a little more likely to say fuck it and get my hiking boots on. It was the perfect snow too – perfect for snowballs. Perfect for picnics.

3-3-09

That’s my ice sickle collection. You like – yes? I don’t  think I’ve seen so many just hangin’ out before and so I snapped the picture. My office building is classy, not a double-wide…oh wait, can it be both?

3-4-09

McMatt came over and we watched Australia – it was alright. I’d say it was typical of a Baz Lurhman film. Very over the top but with a side of color and epicness. I was pretty entertained the whole way through so I wouldn’t complain. Plus it was part of redboxs free Wednesday night movies!! Yeah!
The picture is just fancy pants being a whore and molesting the shit out of Matts shoes. She does this with all guy’s shoes when they come over. Not mine. No girls, just guys. She’s hitting heat with a huge stick so I can only imagine what fantasies are going through her head while she cuddles up to a size 12. What are you thinking cat? What ARE YOU THINKING?! Slut.

2-25-09 – 2-28-09

2-25-09

<3 He licks me. He really, really licks me.

2-26-09

Piece of furniture at Kevin’s I liked – you wanna fight about it?

2-27-09

Kevin. He and his brother Chris had a wine and cheese party at their house on Friday night. It was a good time, a really good time. Apparently I got drunk and made an ass out of myself because I was far too friendly with people who in the past I haven’t particularly cared for. At first it was an attempt to weasel my way back into a friendship circle I’d been ousted from but then, throughout the course of the night, I realized – why am I so fucking hateful? Why do I hold grudges against people who have never particularly done anything to ME per say but had in fact just caused me to be slightly jealous or didn’t seem to be interested in knowing me. Silly little girl issues I need to drop. So I did. And I will. Everyday is a fresh start so why can’t I treat it that way? Honestly I’m happy because I got to know two people again that night and enjoyed their company thoroughly. Cheers to growing up. Cheers to letting go.

2-28-09

David left today to head to New Hampshire for a week for work. Yehaw for him. Seriously. I’m jealous. We all decided to meet together at Sarah’s for some grub and quality time before he had to go. Dont mind us. Just my family playing after dinner baby hockey. Lilly is playing the part of goal. Sarah is playing the part of crazy-eyed goalie. Hotness right? I know.

I post this because its unacceptable.

Detective notes on The Chris Brown and Rihanna Fight. This shit is terrifying.

“Christopher B and Robyn F have been involved in a dating relations for approx 1 and half year. On Sunday Feb 8 at 25 hours Brown was driving a vehicle with Robyn F as the front passenger on an unknown street in Los Angeles. Robin F picked brown,s cellular phone and picked up a three-page text message from a woman Brown had had a previous relationship with.

“A verbal argument ensued and Brown pulled a vehicle over in an unknown street. Reach over Robyn F with his right hand and open the car door and attempted to force her out. Brown was unable to force Robyn F out of the vehicle because she was wearing a seat belt. When he could not force her to exit he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the vehcile causing an approx 1 inch raised circular contusion.

“Robyn F turned to face Brown and punched her in the left eye with right hand. He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. The assault caused Robyn F Osmouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle. Brown looked at Robyn F and stated “I am going to beat the s–t out of you when we get home! You wait and see!?

“Robyn F picked her cellular phone and called her personal assistant Jennifer Rosales. Rosales did not answer the telephone but while her vm greeting was playing Robyn F pretended to talk to her and stated “I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there? (this statement was made while greeting was playing and was not captured) after Robyn f faked the call, Brown and looked at her and stated, ‘You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I really am going to kill you.’

“Brown resumed punching Robyn F and she interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face. She then bent over at the waist placing her elbows and face near her lap and in attempt to protect her face and head from the barrage of punches being levied by Brown. Brown continued to punch Robyn F on her left arm and hands, causing her to suffer a contusion on her left triceps that was approx 2 inches in diameter and numerous contusions on her left hand. Robyn f attempted to send another text message to other personal assistant Melissa Ford. Brown snatched the cellular telephone out of her hand and threw it out of the window to an unknown street. Brown continued driving and Robyn F observed his cellular phone in his lap. She picked up the cellular phone with her left hand, and before she could make a call, he placed her in a head lock with right hand and continued to drive the vehicle with his left hand.

“Brown held Robyn F close to him and bit her on her left hear. She was able to feel the vehicle swerving from right to left as Brown sped away. He stopped the vehicle in front of [address] and Robyn F turned off the car removed the key from inignition and sat on it. Brown did not know what she did with the key and began punching her in the face and arms. Brown began applying pressure to Robyn F left and right carotid arteries causing her to be unable to breath. She began to lose consciousness. She reached up with her left hand and began to attempting to gauge his eyes in attempt to flee herself. Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and released her. While brown continued to punch her she turned around a place her back to against the passenger door. She brought her knees to her chest and placed her feet against Brown,s body and began pushing him away.

“Brown continued to punch her on legs and feet causing several contusions. Robyn F began screaming for help. And Brown exited the vehicle and walked away. A resident in the neighbor heard Robyn F,s plea for help and called 911, causing a police response. An investigation was conducted and Robyn F was issued a domestic violence protective order (EPO). Affiant conducted an interview with Melissa Ford who advised on Feb. 8 2009 at 2500 hours she received a phone call from Robin F from an unknown telephone number later identified as the telephone number of Officer Chavez. Robin F had advised Ford that she had been assaulted by Brown. At approx at 1 am Brown called Ford as nothing happened. Ford advised Brown that she had already talked to Robin F and was aware of what happened. Ford had advised brown that the neighbors had called police and that they were with Robyn F. Brown had asked Ford if robin F had provided police with his name. And ford advised him that she had. Brown hung up the telephone and did not call back.

“On Feb. 8, Brown turned himself in and was given a copy of the EPO and advised to not contact Robyn.

“On Feb. 17 Ford advised the affiant that she had received text messages from … a number that Ford recognized as belonging to Brown. In the text message Brown apologized for what he had done to Robin F. and advised Ford he was going to get help.”

I figure if this is one more place this can be posted maybe everyone wont forget what a monster this guy is just because Rihanna went back to him. Thats what battered women do people – it doesnt mean what he did was ok.

Random Funny.

Look hard. You’ll find it.

A photo editor was fired over this. I’m not sure why. I mean…its true!

Instant Love.

Coastline Rings. You can send in ANY coastline and they’ll make it a ring.

Dumb slut finds cell phone in bag of chips. I report it as news.

So and so of Whatsittown, USA has been horribly offended recently. Why you ask? She innocently bought a bag of Aldies Potato Chips and got a big surprise at snacktime.

“That night, she opened one bag and was absent-mindedly grabbing handfuls of chips while reading the newspaper when she felt something hard. ‘Your heart just kind of jumps,’ she said. She reached in and grabbed a blue and silver Nokia phone, she said.”

So she finds a phone in her chips. The report says the woman teetered between laughter and disgust the entire interview. She called the company, they apologized and offered a new bag of chips. Apparently she isnt happy with that offer. She says she’s put off chips for a while and never again will she eat chips without first dumping them into a bowl. Let me be the first to tell you – I bet that bitch has already had some chips. She looks like they’re a top priority at mealtime. Best side dish you can find this side of the swamp!

Personally if I found a phone in a bag of chips I’d see if it still worked. If it did, I’d be calling people to freak them out. Either that or I would be weirded out for a hot minute, laugh hysterically, blog about it (cause I’m lame) and then just go out and buy another bag of chips…I mean seriously. Who the fuck cares, they were probably 99 cents! It’s not like she had a lobster dinner with a fucking finger in it.