We all got some but we lie about the concentration. I see you Maine, look at how many McDonalds are shoved into your little state…have you no dignity?!

So and so of Whatsittown, USA has been horribly offended recently. Why you ask? She innocently bought a bag of Aldies Potato Chips and got a big surprise at snacktime.

“That night, she opened one bag and was absent-mindedly grabbing handfuls of chips while reading the newspaper when she felt something hard. ‘Your heart just kind of jumps,’ she said. She reached in and grabbed a blue and silver Nokia phone, she said.”

So she finds a phone in her chips. The report says the woman teetered between laughter and disgust the entire interview. She called the company, they apologized and offered a new bag of chips. Apparently she isnt happy with that offer. She says she’s put off chips for a while and never again will she eat chips without first dumping them into a bowl. Let me be the first to tell you – I bet that bitch has already had some chips. She looks like they’re a top priority at mealtime. Best side dish you can find this side of the swamp!

Personally if I found a phone in a bag of chips I’d see if it still worked. If it did, I’d be calling people to freak them out. Either that or I would be weirded out for a hot minute, laugh hysterically, blog about it (cause I’m lame) and then just go out and buy another bag of chips…I mean seriously. Who the fuck cares, they were probably 99 cents! It’s not like she had a lobster dinner with a fucking finger in it.

You should NEVER encourage your children to:

1) Play with their feces.
2) Put anything up their butt
3) Shit at all – as we all know, poop is just concentrated sin coming out of your body.

If you dont mind, I’ve got some stars, horseshoes and lucky clovers to poop out. It’s like an art project that smells!!!

Matthew Goode comments to The Sun on how fanboys of Watchmen didn’t think he was right for the role of Andrew Veidt/Ozymandias:

“The negative feedback is relayed by my friends. I think the fanboys aren’t particularly happy – there are a load of people they’d have rather had in before me It’s already being slated before they’ve seeing anything. But if fanboys still hate the film after going and seeing it, they can all line up and suck my dick. I don’t give a fuck. I’m having a child and that’s more important to me – so I don’t give a fuck. Grow a dick.”

whaaaa???! I think you totally told them Matt – you were so right for that part!

They are remaking 4 untouchable movies. I heard about them in this order. Ohh and you better believe I’m fucking PISSED. The fact that I pay 10 dollars to see a movie – when 95% of the movies offered to me are remakes of old shit – is REALLY starting to grind my gears. If I’m going to pay for something it should sure as hell be an original idea and something exciting. Not “oh when I was little I watched this movie, now I’m going to rape it, jumble the story line so that it appears edgier, add some explosions and digital effects, and then I’m going to resell it as a brand new movie but keep the title of the old one!!” Yeah, you’re talented…talented at being unoriginal.

First: The Karate Kid

So Will Smith wants to put his son in another role that he doesn’t belong in. The fucking Karate Kid?! Seriously?? We’re going to touch that one? Honestly? Why not just make a karate movie of some sort – why does it have to be a remake of the Karate Kid? I’m sorry but I don’t care if its updated and I don’t care if you put the meaning of life somewhere in there – Jackie Chan will NEVER be Pat Morita and he will NEVER be Mr. Miyagi. Personally, I don’t care WHAT kind of issues little Jaden Smith’s character has (no doubt it will be to run away from gangs and drugs!) he will never compare to Ralph Macchio (Daniel LaRusso). They want to set it in Bejing so it can be a bigger blockbuster – the point of the movie was that it was an easy 80’s flick, no INYOURFACEACTION, only fights and training. Needless to say it made me sick to my stomach and I wanted to punch some kids in the face who will no doubt support this movie and not see it for the sick, pathetic sham it is…
and I swear to god if they even UTTER “wax on wax off”…..

Second: Clue.

Gore Verbinski will direct (Pirates of the Carribean) so we can only expect lameness. Ok, I take that back, I liked the first Pirate movie. I’m really not TOO pissed about this one. The first Clue movie was amazing (Thanks Tim Curry and Singing Telegram Girl) and was a classic to watch when I was younger. The difference between this and the others is that its based off of a board game. They wont be redoing the same plot of the first. Apparently Clue just got a whole new revamp so the characters are different with different backgrounds and stories – so who knows it could turn out to be a decent thriller/dark comedy…BUT I DON’T LIKE IT!

Third: IT

So this is all kinds of wrong. IT is Tim Curry – Tim Curry is IT. End of story. You know, I grew up watching this movie once a year at my friend Erin’s house at her birthday party. It was a ritual. Never very scary but always managed to make us squeal each year (the part that gets me is the clown in the blowing sheets at the beginning). I eventually was able to make it through the book which is knee deep with worthless descriptors….Stephen King I hate you. That being said, it was the scariest thing I’ve ever read. The concept of a monster that is what YOU fear the most is just nuts. So whatever, I’d be more open to a remake if they were true to the book (even the old version wasnt) and it was a HUGE blockbuster. If they put the money behind this – oh man, it’d be unstoppable with the money it’d make. Instead guess who is making it? SCI FI! Yeah, so we already know its going to have the WORST graphics ever and that it will be utter and complete crap. Hey Peter Filardi – thanks for taking a SHIT on my childhood…fucking hack.

Fourth and by far the WORST Trespass – The Neverending Story.

I literally have no words except for they WILL fuck this up. When they do, I will burn down a theater. Then I’ll just stand outside screaming “CALL MY NAME SEBASTIAN! PLEASE!!” After I escape narrowly from the cops (or as I like to call them “the nothing”) I will find and roundhouse kick the new Falkor. I’ll tromp through the Swamp of Sadness and I will find G’morks body and resurrect that shit. He’ll lay a hurting on all of Fantasia…seriously though, I’ll do it! The fact that this is what we’ve come back to is upsetting to me. I want to be able to have movies that I can show my children cats when they are old enough to understand it and not have them prefer to see the newer LAMER version!! Why is Hollywood doing this to me?! WHY?!

I hate you hollywood. You and your recycling of classics into pure mediocrity. Congrats.

Renegade employee or random word generated magically? YOU decide.

Just pisses me off when THIS:

Goes to THIS:

Not hot. You have a problem of SOME sort. Get that shit fixed or you’ll be wasting your life away faster than you did your career. Hack.

Carrie Underwood at her boyfriends (not publicly known) hockey game. She realizes shes on camera and WHAM plays the ol’ ducky mcwheredshego. No points Carrie. Sorry.

This interesting article really cleared up a few things for me on how to be a better housewife to my future husband.

Such favorites as:

• Have Dinner Ready.
• Prepare yourself…take 15 mins to get refreshed!
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him.
• Clear away the clutter.
• Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by…after all, catering to his comfort will provide YOU with immense personal satisfaction.
• Encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be Happy to see him.
• Listen to him…Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Make the evening his…try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
• Dont greet him with complaints and problems.
• Dont complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night! Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
• Make him comfortable…have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a soothing and pleasant voice.
• Dont ask him questions about his actions or his judgements or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.

…anyone else notice it started getting a little intense at the end? Start off with easy silly stuff and end it on a high note: Be thankful for your husband, without him you’d surely be a lonely dried up spinster and trust me ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN BEING A SPINSTER!!

Oh! I forgot the the last few bulletins:

• Unclog your ears. Never make your husband repeat a request twice.
• When meeting your husbands mistress (likely his secretary or one of your close friends), do not confront nor embarrass your husband. Remember, he is in control and because he has a penis, he makes the rules.
• Should your insubordination result in bruises, always keep stocked on long sleeve shirts, sunglasses, hats and pants – you wouldn’t want to be embarrassed should anyone see that you obviously couldn’t follow simple instructions!
• When performing “love making” be sure to satisfy all your husband’s needs. Should you begin to feel pleasure yourself – change the position to one that would be more gratifying for him. Surely he doesn’t want to see his wife enjoying herself – he wants to keep her blissfully unaware of what real pleasure is! How else would he keep her trapped in a loveless marriage? To put it short: You would be doing yourself a disservice by servicing yourself.

Crazy bitch and her 14 kids wants your money!! why not?! You should totally pay for their health care, schooling, clothes and food!! I mean, she gave birth to them,  now isnt it the public’s turn to financially support them?!

She’s even whoring the kids pictures out now in hopes for donations.

Anyone who gives that bitch anything is as guilty as she is. Take the kids away now and give them to good loving homes that can afford them and give them STABLE emotional love as well. This bitch is crazy and it makes me SICK to see anything that tries to make her out to be anything other than the crazy psycho she is.

I really hope those children can survive.

Oh and just FYI – Suleman receives food stamps and child disability payments for three of her children, her publicist has confirmed. She told Ann Curry “I’m not receiving help from the government. I’m not trying to expect anything from anybody,” and added that money was “superfluous” and “paper.”

This is after she “didnt get paid” made $300,000 for an interview with Ann.

Yeah fucking right you crazy waste of life. Leave her a message people – tell her how she’s doing everything wrong, that she doesn’t understand the repercussions of her actions and the burden she is putting on everyone but herself. Just read the following for proof of how off this woman is in her head:

Nadya Suleman: I have never thought of Angelina Jolie except the last time I saw one of her movies. I think that was years ago. It is so far away from the place I’m in right now to think of think of any celebrity.

Ann Curry: Have you had your lips done?

Nadya Suleman: No. No.

Ann Curry: I want to give you a chance to answer the criticism on Main Street. Why is it responsible for a single woman without a job with six kids to bring eight more children into this world?

Nadya Suleman: I am responsible. I’ve chosen never to go on welfare. I feel as though it is my responsibility to do what I can to provide for my children.

Nadya points out repeatedly that she’s never taken welfare. But today she confirmed that she’s receiving $490 a month in food stamps.

Nadya Suleman: I’m not living off of any taxpayer money. If I am – if it’s food stamps, it’s a temporary resource. And – we – my family received maybe about a year and a half ago. And during school – and it’s only for food. And I am so reluctant. I – I so look forward to the day when I’m not getting any kind of help with food stamps, which, I believe, will end right when I graduate. Right about a year, a year and a half.

During the time she gave birth to her first six children she went to college and graduate school and stayed home from work and collected disability payments that totaled about $165,000.

Ann Curry: So your only income are your disability payments? Is that where your – what your income is now?

Nadya Suleman: Um. No. My disability stopped.

Ann Curry: Okay.

Nadya Suleman: So it stopped when I was pregnant.

Ann Curry: So do you have any income at all?

Nadya Suleman: At this time, it was just student loans.

Ann Curry: You’re saying that you’re going to use student loans to help raise your children.

Nadya Suleman: Temporarily. Temporarily.

Ann Curry: Do you have any way of paying back these loans?

Nadya Suleman: Yes, when I work, when I’m working.

Ann Curry: How much -

Nadya Suleman: – as a counselor.

Ann Curry: – in debt do you have now?

Nadya Suleman: Probably 50. Close to 50.

Ann Curry: Thousand dollars.

Nadya Suleman: Mmm-hmm.

Ann Curry: How is that not like welfare?

Nadya Suleman: Oh no. These are student loans. You consolidate the loans, you pay it back. We don’t pay back welfare.

50Grand in debt and has 8 more kids. She’s feeding them with STUDENT LOANS! How is no one stepping in?! How is no one helping these kids?

Also, here are pictures of the home those children are forced to live in.

Yeah, now add 8 screaming babies to that already disgusting mess…

Lets also just take note that apparently student loans are covering cosmetic surgery to make her look like Angie Jolie. Because she’s crazypants!