Detective notes on The Chris Brown and Rihanna Fight. This shit is terrifying.

“Christopher B and Robyn F have been involved in a dating relations for approx 1 and half year. On Sunday Feb 8 at 25 hours Brown was driving a vehicle with Robyn F as the front passenger on an unknown street in Los Angeles. Robin F picked brown,s cellular phone and picked up a three-page text message from a woman Brown had had a previous relationship with.

“A verbal argument ensued and Brown pulled a vehicle over in an unknown street. Reach over Robyn F with his right hand and open the car door and attempted to force her out. Brown was unable to force Robyn F out of the vehicle because she was wearing a seat belt. When he could not force her to exit he took his right hand and shoved her head against the passenger window of the vehcile causing an approx 1 inch raised circular contusion.

“Robyn F turned to face Brown and punched her in the left eye with right hand. He then drove away in the vehicle and continued to punch her in the face with his right hand while steering the vehicle with his left hand. The assault caused Robyn F Osmouth to fill with blood and blood to splatter all over her clothing and the interior of the vehicle. Brown looked at Robyn F and stated “I am going to beat the s–t out of you when we get home! You wait and see!?

“Robyn F picked her cellular phone and called her personal assistant Jennifer Rosales. Rosales did not answer the telephone but while her vm greeting was playing Robyn F pretended to talk to her and stated “I am on my way home. Make sure the cops are there when I get there? (this statement was made while greeting was playing and was not captured) after Robyn f faked the call, Brown and looked at her and stated, ‘You just did the stupidest thing ever! Now I really am going to kill you.’

“Brown resumed punching Robyn F and she interlocked her fingers behind her head and brought her elbows forward to protect her face. She then bent over at the waist placing her elbows and face near her lap and in attempt to protect her face and head from the barrage of punches being levied by Brown. Brown continued to punch Robyn F on her left arm and hands, causing her to suffer a contusion on her left triceps that was approx 2 inches in diameter and numerous contusions on her left hand. Robyn f attempted to send another text message to other personal assistant Melissa Ford. Brown snatched the cellular telephone out of her hand and threw it out of the window to an unknown street. Brown continued driving and Robyn F observed his cellular phone in his lap. She picked up the cellular phone with her left hand, and before she could make a call, he placed her in a head lock with right hand and continued to drive the vehicle with his left hand.

“Brown held Robyn F close to him and bit her on her left hear. She was able to feel the vehicle swerving from right to left as Brown sped away. He stopped the vehicle in front of [address] and Robyn F turned off the car removed the key from inignition and sat on it. Brown did not know what she did with the key and began punching her in the face and arms. Brown began applying pressure to Robyn F left and right carotid arteries causing her to be unable to breath. She began to lose consciousness. She reached up with her left hand and began to attempting to gauge his eyes in attempt to flee herself. Brown bit her left ring and middle fingers and released her. While brown continued to punch her she turned around a place her back to against the passenger door. She brought her knees to her chest and placed her feet against Brown,s body and began pushing him away.

“Brown continued to punch her on legs and feet causing several contusions. Robyn F began screaming for help. And Brown exited the vehicle and walked away. A resident in the neighbor heard Robyn F,s plea for help and called 911, causing a police response. An investigation was conducted and Robyn F was issued a domestic violence protective order (EPO). Affiant conducted an interview with Melissa Ford who advised on Feb. 8 2009 at 2500 hours she received a phone call from Robin F from an unknown telephone number later identified as the telephone number of Officer Chavez. Robin F had advised Ford that she had been assaulted by Brown. At approx at 1 am Brown called Ford as nothing happened. Ford advised Brown that she had already talked to Robin F and was aware of what happened. Ford had advised brown that the neighbors had called police and that they were with Robyn F. Brown had asked Ford if robin F had provided police with his name. And ford advised him that she had. Brown hung up the telephone and did not call back.

“On Feb. 8, Brown turned himself in and was given a copy of the EPO and advised to not contact Robyn.

“On Feb. 17 Ford advised the affiant that she had received text messages from … a number that Ford recognized as belonging to Brown. In the text message Brown apologized for what he had done to Robin F. and advised Ford he was going to get help.”

I figure if this is one more place this can be posted maybe everyone wont forget what a monster this guy is just because Rihanna went back to him. Thats what battered women do people – it doesnt mean what he did was ok.

You should NEVER encourage your children to:

1) Play with their feces.
2) Put anything up their butt
3) Shit at all – as we all know, poop is just concentrated sin coming out of your body.

If you dont mind, I’ve got some stars, horseshoes and lucky clovers to poop out. It’s like an art project that smells!!!

Here’s Chris Brown proving he’s still taking his brutal beating of his girlfriend VERY seriously. This is just jet ski therapy, you know, where you jump on a jet ski and pretend nothing ever happened and who is to say it ever even did if your girlfriend is getting back with you rather than put your sorry fucking ass in jail and oh well, even if she tried what would it matter because you’re fucking famous and rich and everyone knows, those with cash and influence never pay for their crimes, they skip along while the rest of us live by rules they’ll never have to know, understand or FOLLOW. Man, I wish I could afford Jet Ski Therapy.

No worries, she’s inside probably making him dinner and fixing herself up so he doesnt get pissed again and beat the shit out of her. Way to walk right back into that “door” Rihanna.

This was a cartoon in the New York Post.

Not to be all fanatical but I want to know how a post that clearly depicts someone making a comment that implies Obama when they are shooting a MONKEY to death got passed a string of editors without anyone stopping and thinking.

I get it, the guy is clearly making light of Travis the ape that tore off a woman’s face last week…but why the stimulus bill joke then? All that you can get from this cartoon is that Obama is a crazed ape who rips peoples faces off because he’s so into this package. (Pause). Did this guy not know that being referred to as monkeys is KINDA a sore spot for African Americans? I mean, I know that…how did none of these cartoon editors not know that?

It’s distasteful and the artist can say whatever he wants about it was a joke about the monkey not our president, that he put the stimulus part in there to make light of the monkey’s behavior, but the truth is that we already get it. We understand what he was trying to say….it just wasn’t funny.

They are remaking 4 untouchable movies. I heard about them in this order. Ohh and you better believe I’m fucking PISSED. The fact that I pay 10 dollars to see a movie – when 95% of the movies offered to me are remakes of old shit – is REALLY starting to grind my gears. If I’m going to pay for something it should sure as hell be an original idea and something exciting. Not “oh when I was little I watched this movie, now I’m going to rape it, jumble the story line so that it appears edgier, add some explosions and digital effects, and then I’m going to resell it as a brand new movie but keep the title of the old one!!” Yeah, you’re talented…talented at being unoriginal.

First: The Karate Kid

So Will Smith wants to put his son in another role that he doesn’t belong in. The fucking Karate Kid?! Seriously?? We’re going to touch that one? Honestly? Why not just make a karate movie of some sort – why does it have to be a remake of the Karate Kid? I’m sorry but I don’t care if its updated and I don’t care if you put the meaning of life somewhere in there – Jackie Chan will NEVER be Pat Morita and he will NEVER be Mr. Miyagi. Personally, I don’t care WHAT kind of issues little Jaden Smith’s character has (no doubt it will be to run away from gangs and drugs!) he will never compare to Ralph Macchio (Daniel LaRusso). They want to set it in Bejing so it can be a bigger blockbuster – the point of the movie was that it was an easy 80’s flick, no INYOURFACEACTION, only fights and training. Needless to say it made me sick to my stomach and I wanted to punch some kids in the face who will no doubt support this movie and not see it for the sick, pathetic sham it is…
and I swear to god if they even UTTER “wax on wax off”…..

Second: Clue.

Gore Verbinski will direct (Pirates of the Carribean) so we can only expect lameness. Ok, I take that back, I liked the first Pirate movie. I’m really not TOO pissed about this one. The first Clue movie was amazing (Thanks Tim Curry and Singing Telegram Girl) and was a classic to watch when I was younger. The difference between this and the others is that its based off of a board game. They wont be redoing the same plot of the first. Apparently Clue just got a whole new revamp so the characters are different with different backgrounds and stories – so who knows it could turn out to be a decent thriller/dark comedy…BUT I DON’T LIKE IT!

Third: IT

So this is all kinds of wrong. IT is Tim Curry – Tim Curry is IT. End of story. You know, I grew up watching this movie once a year at my friend Erin’s house at her birthday party. It was a ritual. Never very scary but always managed to make us squeal each year (the part that gets me is the clown in the blowing sheets at the beginning). I eventually was able to make it through the book which is knee deep with worthless descriptors….Stephen King I hate you. That being said, it was the scariest thing I’ve ever read. The concept of a monster that is what YOU fear the most is just nuts. So whatever, I’d be more open to a remake if they were true to the book (even the old version wasnt) and it was a HUGE blockbuster. If they put the money behind this – oh man, it’d be unstoppable with the money it’d make. Instead guess who is making it? SCI FI! Yeah, so we already know its going to have the WORST graphics ever and that it will be utter and complete crap. Hey Peter Filardi – thanks for taking a SHIT on my childhood…fucking hack.

Fourth and by far the WORST Trespass – The Neverending Story.

I literally have no words except for they WILL fuck this up. When they do, I will burn down a theater. Then I’ll just stand outside screaming “CALL MY NAME SEBASTIAN! PLEASE!!” After I escape narrowly from the cops (or as I like to call them “the nothing”) I will find and roundhouse kick the new Falkor. I’ll tromp through the Swamp of Sadness and I will find G’morks body and resurrect that shit. He’ll lay a hurting on all of Fantasia…seriously though, I’ll do it! The fact that this is what we’ve come back to is upsetting to me. I want to be able to have movies that I can show my children cats when they are old enough to understand it and not have them prefer to see the newer LAMER version!! Why is Hollywood doing this to me?! WHY?!

I hate you hollywood. You and your recycling of classics into pure mediocrity. Congrats.

The McNuggetini. Yep, you heard me.

Prep Time: 5 minutes
Cook Time: 0 minutes
Yield: 2 servings

Ingredients:

2 McNuggz (plus more for snacking)
1 tub McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce (plus more for licking off pinky finger)
1 lg. Mcdonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake (plus more for bringing all the boys to the yard)
1 bottle Vanilla Vodka (recommended brand: Absolut)

Open the McDonalds bag. Eat one McNugg each, followed by two bites of the Filet-o-Fish (make sure you don’t tell anyone that you eat Filet-o-Fishes).

Mix three or four shots of vanilla vodka in the McDonalds Brand Chocolate Milkshake, followed by one shot each directly into your mouth.

Rim each martini glass with McDonalds Brand Barbeque Sauce, and pour milkshake/vodka mixture into the glass. Garnish with a McNugg (which is to be swiped along barbeque sauce rimmed glass after the milkshake has been finished, and consumed with pure, unadulterated glee).

This is where I found it.

Apparently, fresh off bail and the beating of his girlfriend, Chris Brown felt the need to update his facebook page.

So he changes his status to “Thinks you’ll begin to see her true colors. Believe it!” and changed his profile picture to him with some random girl. I hate to say it but I guess this is how any 19 year old woman beater with absolutely no future left would act. Some chump bitch who thinks he’s a man because he can beat the shit out of a woman in public and avoid jail time. A guy who thinks its ok to choke a girl out as long as she deserved it.

Immediately his camp starts spinning “oh she gave him herpes” and “oh she’s overly jealous” as if ANY of that would ever be a reason to choke her out, give her multiple BITE MARKS and basically beat her to the point of her eyes being swelled shut. I mean seriously? As women, are his fans going to buy this shit?! Aside from him having ridiculous amounts of cuts and bruises (which he doesn’t) I cant really see any defense on his part of why he would take it to that level, why he would think that it was acceptable or OK in any way. I guess I’m just a different kind of person though – judging by her myspace page, Chris’ psychotic fans seem to think Rihanna walked into his fist about 40 times.

He makes me sick and even though I know his music career is over (thanks JayZ) I still have silent hope that when he’s walking home from a party a few weeks from now that someone comes up behind him and lets him know what its like to have someone stronger, faster and bigger than him beat him to a pulp. The world would be a better place without disgusting people like him in it.

The Wolverine of our time – Lee Redmond – held the title of longest nails in the Guinness Book of World Records. Unfortunately this week she lost them in a car crash where she was ejected from the SUV she was driving and had some crack off. I’m assuming they cut the other ones off because ew, gross.

Her longest nail was her right thumb at 2 feet 11 inches. RIP Dead Cells.

I wonder what she’ll do now?

heyoooo.

This interesting article really cleared up a few things for me on how to be a better housewife to my future husband.

Such favorites as:

• Have Dinner Ready.
• Prepare yourself…take 15 mins to get refreshed!
• Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him.
• Clear away the clutter.
• Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by…after all, catering to his comfort will provide YOU with immense personal satisfaction.
• Encourage the children to be quiet.
• Be Happy to see him.
• Listen to him…Let him talk first – remember, his topics of conversation are more important than yours.
• Make the evening his…try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.
• Dont greet him with complaints and problems.
• Dont complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night! Count this as minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.
• Make him comfortable…have a cool or warm drink ready for him.
• Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a soothing and pleasant voice.
• Dont ask him questions about his actions or his judgements or integrity. Remember he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.
• A good wife always knows her place.

…anyone else notice it started getting a little intense at the end? Start off with easy silly stuff and end it on a high note: Be thankful for your husband, without him you’d surely be a lonely dried up spinster and trust me ANYTHING IS BETTER THAN BEING A SPINSTER!!

Oh! I forgot the the last few bulletins:

• Unclog your ears. Never make your husband repeat a request twice.
• When meeting your husbands mistress (likely his secretary or one of your close friends), do not confront nor embarrass your husband. Remember, he is in control and because he has a penis, he makes the rules.
• Should your insubordination result in bruises, always keep stocked on long sleeve shirts, sunglasses, hats and pants – you wouldn’t want to be embarrassed should anyone see that you obviously couldn’t follow simple instructions!
• When performing “love making” be sure to satisfy all your husband’s needs. Should you begin to feel pleasure yourself – change the position to one that would be more gratifying for him. Surely he doesn’t want to see his wife enjoying herself – he wants to keep her blissfully unaware of what real pleasure is! How else would he keep her trapped in a loveless marriage? To put it short: You would be doing yourself a disservice by servicing yourself.

Crazy bitch and her 14 kids wants your money!! why not?! You should totally pay for their health care, schooling, clothes and food!! I mean, she gave birth to them,  now isnt it the public’s turn to financially support them?!

She’s even whoring the kids pictures out now in hopes for donations.

Anyone who gives that bitch anything is as guilty as she is. Take the kids away now and give them to good loving homes that can afford them and give them STABLE emotional love as well. This bitch is crazy and it makes me SICK to see anything that tries to make her out to be anything other than the crazy psycho she is.

I really hope those children can survive.

Oh and just FYI – Suleman receives food stamps and child disability payments for three of her children, her publicist has confirmed. She told Ann Curry “I’m not receiving help from the government. I’m not trying to expect anything from anybody,” and added that money was “superfluous” and “paper.”

This is after she “didnt get paid” made $300,000 for an interview with Ann.

Yeah fucking right you crazy waste of life. Leave her a message people – tell her how she’s doing everything wrong, that she doesn’t understand the repercussions of her actions and the burden she is putting on everyone but herself. Just read the following for proof of how off this woman is in her head:

Nadya Suleman: I have never thought of Angelina Jolie except the last time I saw one of her movies. I think that was years ago. It is so far away from the place I’m in right now to think of think of any celebrity.

Ann Curry: Have you had your lips done?

Nadya Suleman: No. No.

Ann Curry: I want to give you a chance to answer the criticism on Main Street. Why is it responsible for a single woman without a job with six kids to bring eight more children into this world?

Nadya Suleman: I am responsible. I’ve chosen never to go on welfare. I feel as though it is my responsibility to do what I can to provide for my children.

Nadya points out repeatedly that she’s never taken welfare. But today she confirmed that she’s receiving $490 a month in food stamps.

Nadya Suleman: I’m not living off of any taxpayer money. If I am – if it’s food stamps, it’s a temporary resource. And – we – my family received maybe about a year and a half ago. And during school – and it’s only for food. And I am so reluctant. I – I so look forward to the day when I’m not getting any kind of help with food stamps, which, I believe, will end right when I graduate. Right about a year, a year and a half.

During the time she gave birth to her first six children she went to college and graduate school and stayed home from work and collected disability payments that totaled about $165,000.

Ann Curry: So your only income are your disability payments? Is that where your – what your income is now?

Nadya Suleman: Um. No. My disability stopped.

Ann Curry: Okay.

Nadya Suleman: So it stopped when I was pregnant.

Ann Curry: So do you have any income at all?

Nadya Suleman: At this time, it was just student loans.

Ann Curry: You’re saying that you’re going to use student loans to help raise your children.

Nadya Suleman: Temporarily. Temporarily.

Ann Curry: Do you have any way of paying back these loans?

Nadya Suleman: Yes, when I work, when I’m working.

Ann Curry: How much -

Nadya Suleman: – as a counselor.

Ann Curry: – in debt do you have now?

Nadya Suleman: Probably 50. Close to 50.

Ann Curry: Thousand dollars.

Nadya Suleman: Mmm-hmm.

Ann Curry: How is that not like welfare?

Nadya Suleman: Oh no. These are student loans. You consolidate the loans, you pay it back. We don’t pay back welfare.

50Grand in debt and has 8 more kids. She’s feeding them with STUDENT LOANS! How is no one stepping in?! How is no one helping these kids?

Also, here are pictures of the home those children are forced to live in.

Yeah, now add 8 screaming babies to that already disgusting mess…

Lets also just take note that apparently student loans are covering cosmetic surgery to make her look like Angie Jolie. Because she’s crazypants!