We’re not all going to die!!


I’m still alive! I’d kiss the floor but that’s just disgusting…and what, did I just get off a boat? That’s no way to celebrate the fact that I could be dead right now (along with all of you). Instead I’ll just have fully clothed sex with the next man I see – I don’t want a stranger seeing me naked!

Our impending doom – what’s causing it?

That my friend (because yes, I  know there is only one of you who reads this), is the Hadron Collider. Well, the LARGE hadron collider to be exact.

The plan was to start this baby up on September 19th to smash together some fucking protons to closely recreate what it was like after the Big Bang. Yeah. We were gonna have a baby bang. A mini bang. A banglette? I digress. Stupid scientists feel that it will shed some light on physics…yeah, maybe the physics of them creating a black hole and all of us DYING IMMEDIATELY. Apparently two magnets that zip around inside the thing close to the speed of light had some sort of failure and then managed to let out a large leak of helium…we’re talking a TON of helium…and not in the sense that a ton means a lot, but a physical TON of helium was released. So they shut the shit down and wont restart the project until the spring.

FUCK YES. I had given up on Christmas (due to my IMPENDING DEATH) but now I want a drumset. It’s never too late to learn.
Gimmie presents. Oh, but I’ll “forget” to buy yours and then I’ll say that I’ll just mush it in with your birthday present for one huge awesome gift spectacular because we’ll all be dead by then so I wont really have to buy anything for you and i get a free fucking drumset!!! I’m a SUCH good friend.

Interesting fact of the day: a ton of helium can chill things to colder than deep space. Is that what’s around my heart?!


~ by Mathy Shoots People on September 24, 2008.

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