If they cant make it…who can?!

I have the saddest of sad news to report today…the 54-year old woman, Etja-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, who married the Berlin wall in 1979 has found new (more convienient) love with a local garden fence.

Spitting in the face of love, right?!


Berliner-Mauer (which means Berlin wall in German) was diagnosed with a condition called Objectum-Sexuality which causes the love and attraction one would normally feel for other people to be shifted to innanimate objects of all shapes, colors and sizes. This can be anything really, some are attracted to the lines oh structures, the material things are made out of (chrome), some even to the sound something makes.

It really is a true love story because she fell in love with The Wall on TV as a child and collected “his” pictures and saved up for visits. It was her 6th tryst that she finally tied the knot with guests in tow. She admitted breifly to finding the Great Wall of China attractive but claimed the structure was “too thick” and that, “her ‘husband’ was sexier.” She was sadly torn from her love in 1989 due to David Hasslehoffs gyrating hips and sweet EuroTrashPop beats which ultimately caused the Berlin Wall to be torn brick from brick. She has never been back to see where her husband once stood as it now only reminds her of “his former glory.”

Ok, so she didn’t cheat on Berlin Wall, she waited until he had been ravaged and all but torn to a single brick, but come on – how long had she been working those hinges with the garden fence – huh? How long had she been strolling past running her fingertips along its outside?? Had she ever leaned against it on a hot day to “rest her bones?” Someone tell me who believes in honest-to-god object love anymore?!?

Seriously though, its a condition and I hope she finds happiness with the fence – I think Eija Riitta Gartenzaun sounds way hotter anyways.



~ by Mathy Shoots People on December 15, 2008.

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